Blasé

Even though it smacks of Dear Diary, I'mma gonna share my day anyway.

I think I postponed waking up until an ungodly, unmentionable hour just so that I wouldn't have to spend the day worrying. Because I have been spending the remainder of the day worrying like a maniac. Waiting for a phone call, waiting for an email. Waiting seems to be my only game these days.

Waiting for employers, friends, even -oh my- boys. It's terrible, and not very proactive, but I can't imagine what else I could possibly do. I can't change too much, I've spoken my piece... so all that's left to do is wait, right?

I need something to occupy my time. Anything. I would take three part-time jobs if I could only just find one. I hate doing nothing, I hate being this listless and useless. I hate feeling like a waste of spacing taking up oxygen.

So in the meantime, I read, paint, and waste time exercising, because at least that's wasting time in a positive sort of way.

Oh, and writing here in this blog no one reads. Most excellent.